The writing bug that infected my body on Thursday, May 2, 2013 has been brutally murdered. Who is the culprit? MORNING SICKNESS*. I will now, henceforth refer to Morning Sickness as Constant Sickness. Constant Sickness, however, is not merely sickness. It is associated with many other constants such as, Constant Exhaustion, Constant Emotions, Constant Heartburn, Constant-feeling-like-your-bra-is-punching-you-repeatedly-in-the-chest-region...All of these constants began on that fateful day.
Thursday, the second day of May, was very unlike most other Thursdays in May. It was not in the mid-sixties and sunny or even fifties and cloudy. It was forty degrees and misting rain*. Also, Texan was back in Florida for his college graduation. And I was teaching fifth-grade science. But for some reason, the children were impossible to deal with. They did their work and chatted occasionally. There were no brawls or Ebola outbreaks. But, somehow, I found myself near tears TWICE by mid-day. Then I found myself in real tears at the end of the day when I handed in my key and said I wouldn't be returning for part two of my two-day assignment* because I "just can't do it." I even had no reply when one of my students said to me during indoor recess, "Why do we hafta watch Toy Story 2? That movie is old-school. This (motioning to the other students) is the new school. We wanna watch Ice Age. Plus, we (motioning to two ruffians beside him) are the trouble-makers. So you might just wanna send us outta here." I looked on in horror. The Trouble Makers? You're the only ones? And I get to meet you? Yeah, that's probably what I would've said any other day. But this day...I was off my game. And I just told the little faux-hawk hooligan to do something else if he wasn't interested in a time-honored classic.
After school, as I sit in my car trying to compose myself, I walked through my options.
1. Call Texan. No, with the time change, he is probably eating graduation celebration dinner with his family. Never mind.
2. Call Mom. Yes, she'll make me feel better. She'll say something like, "Those nasty kids! When you're certified, you'll never have to deal with kids like that." But that won't be true. Then I'll have to tell myself that and further remind myself that I'm not cut out for the future I have planned. More crying. Okay, no.
3. I am pregnant. I need to pee on a stick of some brand. Also, I need some Cheetos. There's probably a store nearby that sells both of those things.
4. Go to above store.
As you can probably guess, smart Reader, I chose option 4. And, after peeing on a stick* (actually two), I came up with a double positive, which, as it turns out, doesn't make a negative and basically just means YES! Your're pregnant! I also ate 4 servings of Cheetos to equal at least 450 calories. It was my most proud and least proud moments combined into one.
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Here's the first test I took. It merited a picture. I didn't have a chance to take a picture of the Cheetos. They went fast.
The next day I bought two more pregnancy tests, both more expensive and of a well-known brand name to confirm my suspicion, and was not surprised at all to see the pink lines appear within 2 seconds. Next was to tell Texan--which I did on the way home from the airport 2 days later. His response? "I'm excitedbutnervous..." Kind of in one word like that.
And then, there's me sticking out my belly for a 6-weeks shot. Bear in mind that I was sick and napping moments before the photo shoot took place. Hence the disheveled look.
*While I did puke my most recent puke around 10 o'clock yesterday morning, that does not negate the fact that my sickness did not end suddenly when the morning was over. The very name of it makes it out to sound manageable and painfully temporary. But alas, I was ill all day and into the night. So, let's call it henceforth, Constant Sickness.
*I am still growing accustomed to Texas weather. So, yes, I take time to marvel in the fact that one day it can be 75 and sunny, and the next they are calling for possible flurries. This is my life now.
*A two-day assignment for a sub is such a tease. I accepted it thinking nothing of it. But then, I should have remembered the sweet feeling of freedom I feel when I leave after a really hard day chanting my mantra..."I never have to go there again! I never have to see those kids again!" While this doesn't happen often, I reserve the right to embrace it when it does. On a two-day assignment, there's only a dreadful feeling of imminent return. Yuck.
*I bought the store brand of Early Pregnancy Detection. Which, I'm guessing is different from you're average run-of-the-mill pregnancy test. I spent $6 on a box of 2. And the worst part is, I had to ask a clerk for the tests because some corporate person thinks it sane to keep them behind the counter, out of the might-be-with-child's reach. And I could feel my mind-reading powers on overdrive picking up, "Oh man, I bet she's freaking out," coming at me from the greasy blond across the counter.
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